The Joke Thread

[CadburyMan]

My wife said that I thought more about football than I did about her.

I said' that's a bit unfair; how many seasons have we been together?"

[CadburyMan]

It's my birthday this weekend and I received a card through the post today.

Opened it up and a Yorkshire pudding fell out!!

It was from Aunt Bessie.

[gillsfan1066]

I had dinner in a new restaurant that opened near us, really nice place, great wine menu, red and white checkered table clothes, and the guy I had dinner with Ray is a State Chess Champion . I had to send the food back several times because the food kept getting cold while I waited for him to pass me the salt.

[CadburyMan]

Took my wife to the orchard for her birthday.

Apparently, it wasn't the Apple watch she was expecting.

[CadburyMan]

8000 steps was my target this morning, then I popped into Spoons to use the toilet.

Ended up doing 12000

[gillsfan1066]

OK don't get the Yorkshire Pudding joke or the Spoons joke, help please.

[sotongill]

OK don't get the Yorkshire Pudding joke or the Spoons joke, help please.

Aunt Bessie is a brand name for a frozen food manufacturer in the UK . Wetherspoons pubs , a UK chain , are notorious for having toilets that are up to 100 yards or more away from the bar .

[gillsfan1066]

OK thank you, I have never heard of Spoons. I must remember to avoid them when I finally get back to the UK, not as young as I was and that beer goes through the old system pretty quick nowadays.

[CadburyMan]

Just landed in the UK after a long- haul flight.

The crew were lovely, super, smashing, great.

It was a Bowen 747.

[gillsfan1066]

Think I might once again have to ask, WHATS THE JOKE ?

[gillsfan1066]

Just watched an episode of a TV show called Whitstable Pearl, one of the female characters said her husband swore on their marriage, on his Mother and ON GILLINGHAM FOOTBALL CLUB ,he was not having an affair . Now you would have to believe a guy who said that wouldn't you ?

[CadburyMan]

There was a quiz show on TV in the 70s called Bullseye and was hosted by a chap named Jim Bowen whose catch phrase when encouraging contestants was "super, smashing, great"

Substitute Bowen for Boeing and it will become all too clear

[gillsfan1066]

I don't remember that show,but thanks for telling me,now I will be able to sleep again tonight, thanks.

[CadburyMan]

Started a new job today delivering fish.

I'm really cold now - been stood in the river all morning shouting 'Push! Push!'

[gillsfan1066]

I was sitting with my buddy today after what looks like our last round of golf this year, and as we sat on the Country Club veranda having a drink watching the sun dip behind the trees I said at our age what would you rather end up with Parkinson's or Alzheimer's, he thought for half a second then said Parkinson's ,better to spill an ounce of Scotch then to forget where you put the whole bottle.